Dear Money

Extract from MULI Comedy Series Book 3 by Gideon Mutai

MULI: Son of Mr & Mrs BABU BORA, Money Lover

BABU BORA : MULI’s father

MARIAMU: MULI’s mother

BRAYO: Friend to MULI at the Rivera Institute of Science and Technology (RIST)

KEVO: Friend to MULI at RIST and serves as the Class Representative

SAGINI: Principal at RIST, Uncle to MULI
Act One

(BABU BORA’s sitting room. MARIAMU is seated directly across her husband even though both are watching TV. At the table are piled computer science books. Seemingly, MARIAMU is in deep thoughts.)

MARIAMU (Clearing her throat): Baba MULI, there is this one thing that has been disturbing me for a while now. Actually it has been eating me. 

BABU BORA (Aghast): I saw this coming from the way you have been watching. I knew something was cooking. So you thought it wise to burden me with your problems again eh? Is it about the latest dress in fashion that you don’t have? Is it about the hair that you want to make? Or is it about the Dorcas’ meeting you have always wanted to hold in my house? (Pause) What is it? Tell me but remember if it affects your mood and appetite and sleep then psychiatrist is the best person to pay a visit to. If perchance it has to do with your soul, then we have the clergy for that work. 

MARIAMU (Furiously): Stop! What is the ranting for? Am I not your lawfully wedded wife? It does affect us both. It is about your seed MULI. 

BABU BORA (Laughing hysterically): Ha ha ha. What about MULI? He is the best of my ammunitions I had. I am proud of him and to be frank, I have not seen anything wrong with him. Are you worried about the beard he has started growing? It’s normal for boys of his age. 

MARIAMU: That’s the problem with you. Do you ever listen to anyone or just busy bursting asking and answering yourself? I thought you overcame that unbecoming behaviour. I wonder how you managed to convince people to endorse you as the Member of County Assembly for Huruma Ward. Or maybe it was sympathy votes that put you in that place after losing your property to wild fire? (Pause)

By the way, you never convinced me enough to be your wife and I’ll be releasing an official statement on the coming days about my next step. 

BABU BORA (Chuckling): Then why did you marry me? (To himself) I thank the incumbent president for the accommodative constitution. I think I should be talking to Jane the cashier about my intentions to integrate her into the family empire. 

MARIAMU (Clicks): Nkt! Do you think I don’t know of the best weapon against you? Prayer works miracles. I’ll pray against your relationship. (Pause) We need to drop that topic. We need to talk about MULI. Have you realized how he has changed abruptly?

BABU BORA: Talking of weapons eh? The good book says no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Can I get an Amen?

MARIAMU (Sobbing and disgusted): BABU BORA…

BABU BORA: Yes, my name. Let’s talk about my strength. He has changed quite in a number of ways. I have keenly noted this deep voice he has developed. The chest and the shoulders have broaden meaning he can now give one a shoulder to lean on. I’ll be careful not to forget the obvious six pack. He is now a man. In a scale of one-to-five one being poor and five excellent, how can you rate my assessment? 

MARIAMU (Snapping): I would give you one since Joho was your classmate. I know of what you have been laboring to describe but I am talking of something different. I am talking about his obsession with money. He can’t live without money. He keeps pilfering from my slim malnourished purse. And you are to blame.

BABU BORA: Don’t blame him because I also don’t blame him. Which school taught you that money is not everything? You being here is a testimony that money is everything. Money speaks for when you lack words just like music do. Let me teach you something: if you want someone to do something for you with zeal and alacrity, mark my words, then give them oil of life. I can talk and talk about the goodness of money even more than of Jameson because without the former, I cannot get the latter. 

MARIAMU (Sarcastically): Do money really speak or your folly through extravagance of the same. And don’t think your patchy English vocabulary can intimidate me. 

BABU BORA: An example will drive my point home. Look at this scenario MARIAMU. When I was about to lead to the altar, we were many candidates all round about you. I was beaten during the primaries but you know what? I borrowed from Strategic Planning and Management class plus Crisis Management topics. I won your heart because I had the sinews of war. If you cannot relate to this, then a thousand examples will not suffice. 

MARIAMU (Nodding her head unapprovingly): I see you are not grown yet. I gave you the benefit of doubt that you could change but I’ll tell you today. Yes, I’ll tell you on your face that you are like young boys. I’ll excuse them because of their age. What will I say of someone now living in their sunset years? Fifty-seven years is not short a time. You are doing exactly the opposite of what nature dictates. As people age, more often than not they tend to become wiser but your unique case calls for a case study and presentation in a conference on Dementia perhaps. 

BABU BORA (Hesitantly): Eer…you will help me here. Was it Jesus or Mathew who said that you have to be like children in order to inherit the Kingdom of the Great? You now know why I am doing all these. I want to get to Canaan, the land of milk and honey. 
NB: Will continue with the play shortly. This is not the whole Act one


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