Inspired to Sire 

​Inspired to Sire

by Gideon Mutai
The other day I was inspired to sire
This is what transpired: 
A robust classmate worked hard
And that makes us all glad
Not only in the field of betting,
But also in the field of getting
He got a bouncing baby boy

Oh, what a great joy!
He has already bought him a toy
And a house help ready to employ
Much about him and the next king of betting
Unlike him I am slim but my eyesight not dim

I am going to sire, yes, it is my desire
If need be I’ll also hire a house help
Not unless she will conspire against me
And my young home gets on fire
I will talk to my supplier to come with brier
And attire for the wedding day choir
I’ll also require a flyer to invite all
Since I am renowned high-flyer

Did I say I am tired of carrying them kids?
Since adolescence all through now
They are beckoning to be released
Can’t withstand the ever changing temperatures
Being escalated up and down intermittently
Enclosed in a small cage with no turnover
Their location is nondescript

What am I saying?
I am inspired to sire

Not Charging Again

By Gideon Mutai

 
The percentage was fast dropping

And the warning kept popping

Urging me to connect a charger

But I needed a space larger

To charge well the dying phone

Thank God I wasn’t in this alone

 

She tried connecting her phone dear

Mind you she doesn’t use beer

But her feeble hands let her down

She was left in the sea to drown

Was the charging system to blame?

And after her struggles be put to shame?

 

I turned around and he sat facedown

Covered with disappointment of a gown

He probably blamed the burnt fuse

Not out of underuse but overuse

He was going nuts in short

However ‘twas not his last resort

 

The workload was burning them out

How can you read all throughout?

Till weekends buried their faces

And have even lost their braces

Life is not only about books

Striving to pass by hooks or crooks

 

I went silently to the exam room

After several hours of charge boom

I was certain it was eighty percent

Of twenty, I would simply supplement

Click! Click! The phone embarrassed me

How will I get my much sought after degree?

 

The phone was not charging

In any case it was discharging

The sight of examiner drained it dry

Remember I am not the genius guy

And here my memory was failing me

Not the only known chronic class absentee

I Weep for My Neighbour

By Gideon Mutai

We have lived in happiness together
Though can’t say we are of the same feather
He is a DDO while I am a DMS
He plays badminton while I prefer bedminton
As I wake up to job, he reports too

My hard-given warning have all been in vain
From alcohol I asked him to abstain
His wife has always been complaining
That his habit is not at all entertaining
That in any case he needs caning

Little did I know she’d execute her words
Not in the manner I anticipated though
My teacher would cane me with a stick
At worst I expected her to give him a kick
Sadly, she uprooted from the base his transformer

That reminds me of the Salgaa residents
Who decided to put on fire one Fire Engine
Whatever their grievances I cannot tell
But I am pretty sure of one thing nevertheless
Fire engine can be replaced by increasing tax

I have had to ask in shops unknown
If a transformer can be replaced
Even if an original cannot be found
A placebo can restore cosmesis
But unluckily China is grey in that field

What I feared inquiring from my neighbour
Is whether he lost the ROM to the tragedy
I mean the small balls that dread cold
But dangle when the surrounding is hot
Evidently he has lost his manhood

I moan and weep for my neighbour
For the ill-fated episode striked unwarned
I cannot wait for the next Women’s day
To wish him and his family
“Double Happy Women’s Day”
Having said that, join me in the mourning.

I now have phobia for ladies from that land
I now know how new words find their way to dictionary
Nyerification will be taught to our children
‘Twil not be a surprise if my daughter will ask me
“Dad, I cannot find nyerification in this dictionary.”
And I’ll gladly answer,
“It’s in the latest dictionary edition
Meanwhile I can relate to you the origin thereof.”

Seventh of June will go down in calendar
The day my neighbour had forced transgender
Though some gaping between the thighs hasn’t been done
And estrogen hormone administered
The body may tell a Fire Engine is missing
Or a Transformer if you like
And for fear of victimization,
I end my poem.

*DDO: Daily Drinking Officer
*DMS: Director Medical Services

I Hate You

By Gideon Mutai

I hate you with all my being
I don’t care if you are not agreeing
You always want to kiss my lips
I feel like giving you some hard whips
You want to lean on my shoulder
A step you have made bolder
And show your prowess in caressing
Mind you this to me is depressing

Someone said you have seven lives
I don’t know how to that she arrives
If you were you to be a program,
then you would be a bug
If you were you to be a human,
then you would be a thug
I better come out clean on this now
You are too small to be a cow

I don’t love your abrupt unwelcome hugs
Let alone the proud shoulder shrugs
More so when I have important visitors
And the love for not so clean mugs and jugs
I am bored to the bone with you
We are not going anywhere with you
In fact given a chance I’ll crash you
Though you may not even bleed

It is distressing to note again
That you love every part of my body
And that my constant chasing doesn’t scare you
You keep coming back the more
Thinking that I would change my mind
I am a different species all together
So please spare me a little
And give me my space

It is over between me and you
Oops it wasn’t there even to begin with
Goodbye little Musca domestica

I wonder

By Gideon Mutai

Everyone begins their day with prayer
And so to the pagans I noted
You may be wondering how
But how you do it is how they do
“I want to successfully transfer
The ownership of some stuff Lord
Help me not to be caught”
So the soft exchanger prays

I wonder with two kinds of people
How they pray if they do
The person who makes something he’ll not use
And who buys doesn’t need it either
And who uses it doesn’t see it
“Lord, let more of them give up the ghost
For me to earn a living.”
I suppose they pray

I still wonder about another group
People who treat but don’t heal
Without people to treat, no work for them
None desires to be sick
And so to them
Do they wish for others to be sick
For them to get work?
I still wonder.

Good Bye Suffering Com

By Gideon Mutai

I hate saying goodbye
And I bet you hate hearing the same too
But circumstances calls for it now
Not purely unavoidable per se
But you created it yourself

I have been an ardent subscriber
For several years since I acquired a phone
Hoping for the best
But didn’t prepare for these worse times
Calling rates have been always high
Don’t mention of the expensive internet bundles

I thought the bundles offer would be better
But I have realized it’s giving me insomnia
Yes, I purchase it, not barter trade
But I have to wait till late at night
For me to use the bundles
Making me lose concentration in class
I wonder why info has to be expensive

Instead of having night shift offer for all
Can you make it for a specific class of people?
Night watch people will not miss in the list
These are people who will appreciate
For taking their interests at heart

Am moving to the best option
I realized settling for better when best is there
Is not a cool thing to do in this era
You have been stealing from us
And our complains giving a deaf ear
You are now rich but that is not enough for you
You partner with third parties to professionally steal
I don’t find a better word for that
And I’ll ask you to pardon me for that

As a good friend in quotes
I’ll do to let you know where I am going
I intend to adopt a new child, Airtel
She is worth my money and commitment
Do I have to mention her superb offers?
I’ll talk with my girlfriend till I run out of words
Battery will be my worry, airtime comes second

Wrong Number

By Gideon Mutai

Beep! Beep! Beep!
Hello sweet babe? I have missed you!
Why do you take long to pick my call?

“Excuse me Mister
Who are you calling sweet baby?
This is wrong number!”
Responded the angry other end

So you are saying you have wrong number?
It’s high time you found the right number.

“Am saying you are calling a wrong number”

Then give me the right number sir
If you don’t mind
Or I can send you money just to confirm your name
If surely that is a wrong number.