Anti-Exam Fever Vaccine

By Gideon Mutai

All preparations were in place that day
Except for parasitic fear which wasn’t at bay
She sluggishly trudged to the exam room
As they prayed and wished her the best of luck
Hesitantly, she waved back and went in

 

Papers were issued out to everyone
You can bet the colour had not changed from the usual
“You have two hours to attempt all the questions.”
Roared the no-nonsense exam invigilator
The parasite forgot the symbiotic relationship with her
He breached the contract and started devouring her

 

As the invigilator paced up and down the room.
FEAR relished on that little activity
Small beads of sweat started forming on her brow
Her eyes were swelling progressively
She suddenly busted into tears as she turned over the first page
The bladder seemingly enjoyed the ordeal
How it suddenly got filled up I cannot tell
It also gave way following his accomplice

 

Who would have known she was expectant
If not for the end of year exams?
We saw a little bouncing baby lying on the floor
And dangling from her pelvic region a cord
Exams had to be interrupted
‘Twas not in vain anyway
As my colleagues found it opportune to consult
While few assisted in carrying her way

 

The reports later came
That the doctor diagnosed her with exam fever
That precipitated all the events
And she was given anti-exam fever vaccine IV BD X 4/12
The baby was just a result of injurious exam fever
Which has since time immemorial been pandemic
I was left wondering if he was a real doctor or just another quack

 

Either way, I also want anti-exam fever too but dread the pain
Yes, the pain of daily injections for four months every year
Can’t it be made to be easily swallow able?
Or coated with chocolate?

 

What did you say are the side effects of the vaccine?
Bosom friendship with books in and out season
But how about my allergy for books?
It runs in our family
The mother of my grandfather to the uncle of my niece had the same problem.
He used not to pass well in school
It has manifested in me again
But just give me the vaccine, I will deal with the consequences later.

 
*IV–Intravenously
*BD–Twice a day

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I Resign… Not

By Gideon Mutai

I resign…not
My input has been thwarted
Because it was not reported
The competition was real hot
And I thought all I got was a blot

I resign…not
‘Cause I wasn’t born with a silver spoon-
In my mouth
I am turning round to South
I have bidden bye the silver screen
After all am no longer a teen

I resign…not
I’ll always press on towards my goal
In the school of excellence I’ll enrol
I might have to crawl all the way
Towards where I see the ray

I resign…not
The past I’ll not dwell in
The present leaven I’ll bin
In a bid to get to my destination
For a jump start, I need activation

Joy in Sharing

by Gideon Mutai

I had a good friend

She loved to laugh a lot

No wonder Joy was her name

I had a precious file

Which my friend didn’t have

And so decided to share with her

She started reading the file

As I also read the same file

And joy filled my heart

I had not been understanding

As much as I do now

Probably because I had the file alone

I am now unusually happy

Only after sharing the file

I call it the joy of sharing

How good is it to share!

You create more space to receive

And always wallow in the joy of sharing

(The above poem was inspired by my classmate called Joy whom I shared with her some Pathology Revision notes as we were nearing our End of 3rd Year Exams)

S

A Date with Prof Kaimenyi

by Gideon Mutai

What a date with professor Kaimenyi?
I the only lame son of chesser Anyonyi
I knew it would come somewhere in March
I have been dreaming of making an A arch
Sleepless nights I have spent in Whatsapp
Doing nothing but asking what was up

I am anxious, yes, but I must come clean
My post exam girlfriend knows, Aileen
She is expecting me to be at the top
But how I wish she had standby hop
“cause surely this date may not go well
And high school life I’ll not bid farewell

Prof, I don’t know what you have for me in store
The stomach butterflies I cannot ignore
Am hoping for the best but prepared for the worst
Now is when I wish time would be reversed
So that I may read all the set books again
And to all the prayers remember to say amen

I wouldn’t revise letters again from sister school
I now know I had made myself a fool
I would obey all the teachers and preachers
Because all are created of God creatures
I would do all my assignments in time
For the clock, I wouldn’t wait for it to chime

I am not certain what I will score
But life has taught me to be a hardcore
Life after form four without airtime to say “hi”
At the other end she has hopes high
Daily doing odd jobs to buy kipande soap
And complaining was tested beyond my scope

While You Were Away

by Gideon Mutai

Stikes, strikes, the order of the day
Teachers stikes today
Tomorrow the students take over
Neighbour’s house boy also wanted pay rise
Talk of the only village doctor too
Did I mention the police officers?
Oh yes! My brother’s school went on strike too
Am left wondering about the triggers

I fought with my brother the other day
Mum was on my neck in every way
So sad to say I didn’t have supper that fateful day
She said there are  better ways of resolving arguments
As opposed to teachers who go singing on the streets
A good choir they can form anyway
And Msanii can do the recording for them
But that’s beside the point

Mwalimu, Teacher, While you were away
Yes, while you were out on the streets
Carrying big banners high up
Singing melodiously Solidarity forever
And proclaiming in bold,
“Genuine tax payers are on strike.”
A lot has transpired
Give me your ears to relate to you.

While you were away,
All public schools were paralyzed
Yet I  was geared to start the year in style
I have just heard and read your complaints
That you are overworked, underpaid and overloaded
That you get pea nuts for all you do to us
Which is not commensurate with the rising cost of living

I was to go to Alliance High School But turn of events didn’t augur well with me for the future
I lost several weeks of study
And unfortunately lost time cannot be recovered
Nyar Ajeny Family Sons and Daughters Harambee Secondary School
Is of course where I landed
I wanted to become a neurosurgeon
I wanted to belong to the top cream of the society
Oh please rescue my dream and keep it alive.

While you were away,
I revised my biology
Which told me,
Heart fails when it cannot pump enough blood
To meet the body oxygen demands.
The body ultimately fails and dies
Do you want me to remind you of the obvious?
That you are the heart, the center organ?
Our dear president passed through your hands
The paramedics were your students too
Talk of anyone mentionable.

While you were away,
The Minister’s daughter who is in a private school
Where I also wanted to be save for my humble background
Was everyday reading and reading and reading
While I went to commune with empty chairs
If not “beat” stories with my fellow students
They say education is an equalizer
But I don’t see the equation to begin with

If a health worker goes on strike
A patient dies, It can be me or you
When police officers strike
Ali Sha Baba invades our country
Security is thrown to the streets
And when teachers goes on strike
Oh my God,
Everything goes haywire
We don’t get health workers and police officers
We fail to produce anyone effectively productive

Those who have been bestowed with power
Yes the power to read, lead, play and pay others
Will you not see this big picture I have painted?
Will you not listen to the pleas of my teachers
Will you not pay them accordingly?
I have nothing more to say
And so I resume my seat.

Teacher Turns Preacher IV

By Gideon Mutai

“Good afternoon everyone?

Yes it’s me again for another class

However, it may be the last supper

Oops i meant the last class with you.”

He began

 

We all could guess what had transpired

The religious fanatics weren’t happy

Let alone the class skivers

Not because of his sermons

But they loved his hilarious illustrations

 

“Adrenaline is a catecholamine

Produced in physiological response to stress

One can either fight or take a flight.”

Belshazzar did neither of this

When with awe he beheld the writings on the wall

But it’s certain he had adrenaline rush

The joints of his loins were loosened

And his knees smote against each other

Obvious effects of epinephrine evidenced.”

 

We had waited for the washing of our feet

And eating of bread at Mama Fatuma’s kibanda

But for the parting shot he said,

“The kingdom of God is so near

Your assignment is to find when.”

Teacher Turns Preacher

By Gideon Mutai
He began by reviewing the previous lesson
As his custom was
We all knew well he was a teacher
“Any science not in tandem with the Bible is not science.”
He began.
“The first surgery is recorded in Genesis”
Continued the lecture.

The lecture was nice I can confess
How he weaved scriptures with science
Left many with mouths agape
“Woman was made from a rib.
That forms the basis of cloning.”

Barrage of Bible quotations followed
With a falling and rising intonation on words
He began moving about the room
Taking advantage of the stage
Needless to say he was generous
With the use of gestures and mesmerism.

I don’t know when he began preaching
But am pretty sure he began with teaching
Students and teachers on windows
Told me it was no longer teaching
Some went to be prayed for 
When he made a call
He promised to continue with the lesson
Next time God willing.