The Juicy Relationship Constitution, 2016

TJRC 2016

PREAMBLE

We, the beneficiaries of this relationship, in order to promote love, trust and faithfulness in our relationship, do adopt and ordain this constitution to govern our relationship as long as it lasts.

SOVEREIGNITY OF THE MEMBERS AND THE SUPREMACY OF THIS CONSTITUTION

This is the relationship constitution that enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Gideon Kiprono here and after known as the “boyfriend” and Joy Cherono, here and after known as “the girlfriend”. 

This constitution is the supreme law governing our relationship now henceforth and therefore no member shall be above the provisions provided for in this document.

Mafisi laws or any other international laws will not form part of this constitution. 

ARTICLE I: NAME

The name of this association shall be THE JUICY RELATIONSHIP CONSTITUTION, hereafter referred to as TJRC. This association will use the name or its acronym TJRC in all publicity materials and correspondence.

ARTICLE II: DEFINITION

TJRC is composed of two people only (Kiprono and Cherono) who without coercion decided to be friends for life following their striking intellectual prowess atop interests. TJRC shall be guided by this constitution at all times.
ARTICLE III: COMMUNICATION

Communication is paramount for success of any relationship and this is how it will be done. 

Loading dose of hello in the morning and maintenance dose of nice lunch and goodnight. 

Little or no communication with the ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

No whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and other social media when we are together. It is our time.

Respond to emails promptly, Instagram tags or facebook pokes, twitter mentions.

Whatsapp messages should be replied immediately as soon as blue ticks effect are seen or better 
ARTICLE IV: PUBLIC RELATIONS

Kissing

Public display of affections is prohibited and so to kissing by all means.

Unintended kissing should only be when resuscitating the partner in absence of ambubag. Mouth-to-mouth will be the best.

Although little risk is documented to accrue from passionate kissing, we will be cognizant of the fact that cold, glandular fever and even herpes infection can be spread through kissing.  
Hugging

The privilege of hugging is accorded to the boyfriend or girlfriend under the following: –

They are undergoing post exams stress disorder or trauma of similar magnitude and needs a shoulder to lean on. 

If we should publicly hug, then the short acting version is applied and differentiated from ultra-short version given for general friends. 

Extended release version only happens when one wins a Nobel Prize or any other achievement of comparable weight.

No hugging of rivals and relationship enemies to any of the partners and more so in the presence of the counterpart. 

ARTICLE V: GIFTS OR PRESENTS AND SURPRISES

Gifts build relationship as opposed to surprises which causes anxiety and subsequent tachycardia.

Negative surprises like failing in exams, ex calling to ask for consideration and the like is highly discouraged.

Positive surprises that have probability of ≥ 20% can be practiced for mutually exclusive events.  

Gifts and surprises should never be confused as the latter is an event or piece of news etc. that is unexpected. 

ARTICLE VI: VISITATIONS

Impromptu visitations are uncalled for to avoid embarrassment in this era of technology. Twitter mention or WhatsApp heads-up, call or text message can suffice. 

Agenda of the visit should be communicated earlier and each to have a copy. Review of the previous minutes and countersigning should happen unless the meeting occurs in an unplanned for place and no soft copy of the same exists. 

Unavailable notice is placed at the door to bar friends and custodian if it applies from interrupting the meeting.
ARTICLE VII: BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARY AND SPECIAL DAYS

Birthdays are treated as important days of reviewing resolutions and making new for a better life. Gifts can be expended liberally then to cheer the partner. 

Valentine is a waste of day and resources. In any case, Valentine is dead. 

Any other special days can come with or without gifts. 

ARTICLE VIII: INTERCOURSE

The best and accepted regular intercourse we should have is the intellectual variant. 

In the unlikely event that one ovary has been removed and the other is at stake and coitus should be practiced, it should be without delay and warning. The acceptable family planning method is coitus interruptus apart from what family doctor will prescribe on medical grounds.

Coitus once practiced triggers Responsibility for Life button. 
ARTICLE IX: DISSOLUTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP

The relationship shall only be called to an end under the following circumstances: –

Any partner feels burdened of which should submit substantial evidence to support the same.

Any member is found unfaithful: random hugging of known team Mafisi Sacco members unless they are their brothers or sisters (not in Christ)

A 6 months’ notice in writing stating the reasons for terminating the relationship should be supplied and counterchecked by a trustworthy person-clergy.
ARTICLE X: AFFILIATION

Shall not be affiliated to any party, organization, club, institution or group; for that matter Mafisi Team Sacco. The association will matchless to the universe as the partners are. 
CONCLUSION 

The Juicy Relationship Constitution will aid in ways unkown unforeseen disagreements, mood swings and somehow premenstrual syndrome. It will prevent the association from rampant ravenous mafisi members. It is necessary for it protects our finances from unnecessary gifts and surprises. Chief of all, it fosters love, harmony and faithfulness. 

Happy New Year 2016

By Gideon Mutai

Happy new year 2016
A year of many happy returns
It came subtly as a serpent
And seemingly gentle as a dove
It’s indeed a new year

A year of new thoughts
New dreams and aspirations
New chances
New changes
New resolutions
New challenges
And new life
But the same God of the mountain
Who was, Is and will be
The God who changest not
image

Let it be a new year
Of improved performance
Of surpassed expectations
Of fulfilled dreams
Of exceptional happiness and joy
Of true love
And a year of holistic development

I wish you, yes, you-
And your family, friends and relatives
A happy new year of choice