Inspired to Sire 

​Inspired to Sire

by Gideon Mutai
The other day I was inspired to sire
This is what transpired: 
A robust classmate worked hard
And that makes us all glad
Not only in the field of betting,
But also in the field of getting
He got a bouncing baby boy

Oh, what a great joy!
He has already bought him a toy
And a house help ready to employ
Much about him and the next king of betting
Unlike him I am slim but my eyesight not dim

I am going to sire, yes, it is my desire
If need be I’ll also hire a house help
Not unless she will conspire against me
And my young home gets on fire
I will talk to my supplier to come with brier
And attire for the wedding day choir
I’ll also require a flyer to invite all
Since I am renowned high-flyer

Did I say I am tired of carrying them kids?
Since adolescence all through now
They are beckoning to be released
Can’t withstand the ever changing temperatures
Being escalated up and down intermittently
Enclosed in a small cage with no turnover
Their location is nondescript

What am I saying?
I am inspired to sire

Anti-Exam Fever Vaccine

By Gideon Mutai

All preparations were in place that day
Except for parasitic fear which wasn’t at bay
She sluggishly trudged to the exam room
As they prayed and wished her the best of luck
Hesitantly, she waved back and went in

 

Papers were issued out to everyone
You can bet the colour had not changed from the usual
“You have two hours to attempt all the questions.”
Roared the no-nonsense exam invigilator
The parasite forgot the symbiotic relationship with her
He breached the contract and started devouring her

 

As the invigilator paced up and down the room.
FEAR relished on that little activity
Small beads of sweat started forming on her brow
Her eyes were swelling progressively
She suddenly busted into tears as she turned over the first page
The bladder seemingly enjoyed the ordeal
How it suddenly got filled up I cannot tell
It also gave way following his accomplice

 

Who would have known she was expectant
If not for the end of year exams?
We saw a little bouncing baby lying on the floor
And dangling from her pelvic region a cord
Exams had to be interrupted
‘Twas not in vain anyway
As my colleagues found it opportune to consult
While few assisted in carrying her way

 

The reports later came
That the doctor diagnosed her with exam fever
That precipitated all the events
And she was given anti-exam fever vaccine IV BD X 4/12
The baby was just a result of injurious exam fever
Which has since time immemorial been pandemic
I was left wondering if he was a real doctor or just another quack

 

Either way, I also want anti-exam fever too but dread the pain
Yes, the pain of daily injections for four months every year
Can’t it be made to be easily swallow able?
Or coated with chocolate?

 

What did you say are the side effects of the vaccine?
Bosom friendship with books in and out season
But how about my allergy for books?
It runs in our family
The mother of my grandfather to the uncle of my niece had the same problem.
He used not to pass well in school
It has manifested in me again
But just give me the vaccine, I will deal with the consequences later.

 
*IV–Intravenously
*BD–Twice a day