My Love Journey

​My Love Journey 

(c) Ronedion

Very few people talk about their relationships. I am in that very group but it is not until today that I was triggered to talk about it. I might never know the inspiration someone might draw from my story or learn from my flaws. For the record, I am not that kind of person who suddenly turns philosophical after breakup; I just chew the bitter break-up pill.
I had visited almost every office with my form four results slip showing straight As in the fundamental subjects. Little did I know that is not what the employers look for. They look for experience and professionalism. Sad to say I had none of the two. In any case, it was the reason I was turned down in more than 30 times places I visited. To cut the short story long (actually it is the other way round), I finally made a call to a certain school in Kapsabet. That is the place I met with Sandra (pseudonym) in the year 2010.
Ours has been a long journey of ups and downs, rains and drought, fights and reconciliation, love and hatred. The relationship has been peppered with flats and bumps but more of bumps. Each has been thinking secretly that we have been taking each other for a ride. But that is when a wrote the first poem to her, a poem of dumping her, the better option. I fell for what seemingly was the best option. Sandra and I somehow managed to chat and meet occasionally. I couldn’t do away with her completely. 
Don’t judge me (actually you can the way you want) when I say I had another girlfriend before that. I know it was just after form four but that is when I had all the time in the world and was allowed to have one. The first relationship was short-lived. I didn’t get the approval of many to go on with her plus the fact that she was from the village and didn’t want to upgrade herself to the latest fashion. I hope you get what I mean. I would be embarrassed in bed when she would lose network and only regain but transiently when I would take her out to major cities.  She would keep me waiting for long hours when I had a date with her. What I only loved about her is that she wasn’t pocket-draining economically. Maybe it was her gimmick for me to continue keeping her. Truth be told, I wasn’t proud of her. 
Sandra to the opposite was a gold digger (sorry for the term). She would entice me to keep subscribing to her love. Weird, right? I must confess that she was so expensive to maintain. I would labour to maintain my connection with her. Many have been in abusive relationships. I am not an exception. When I couldn’t sustain the relationship that was worsened by her stealing (taking without permission but later returned), I decided to ditch her. Don’t ask me if I moved on or cried myself out.
For straight seven years, I have been in and out of the relationship with her. It is true that at times she gives me goodies and who doesn’t enjoy? That has been attracting me to her. I love how she dresses in green and flaunts her assets. She is a digital 21st century damsel and even though I love technology, she is far ahead of me. I normally wait for anniversaries to enjoy the goodies (I mean goodies). I am a man remember. She pulls surprises on me. When I think I have pulled one on her, I get disappointed but still appreciates my little input. 
My parents know her and many of my friends have approved her. (You should be knowing her). At one point in time, I went away from home and decided to hook up with another one without telling my parents. It almost caused dissension. They looked for me everywhere. They called her but she was “mteja”. They were about to visit a local radio station to announce for a lost boy/man (Use them interchangeably). My sister only knew where I was but I had cautioned her not to mention. 
This is 2017 and still counting. She recently lightened my heart. Don’t ask me how but if you think in terms of goodies, you won’t be wrong. Anyway you are allowed to have your own opinions. She has enabled me to visit places unknown. Has enabled me to get connected with my friends and is in the process of giving me economic freedom (only if the project she is sponsoring will last). She knows what I love most. Who in their right mind will abandon such a girlfriend? But if she drives me crazy, I may abandon before I lose my mind. Sandara my neighbour who changed her name recently to Tele has been dressing seductively and visits me regularly to borrow “Short Practice of Surgery 26th Ed by Baile and Love” yet she knows that I don’t have it. She opens up to me and wants to divert my attention, commitment and love for Sandra. 
I pray that my relationship last now that I decided to speak up about it. She is slightly older than me but they say age is just but a number. If you asked me my sincere opinion, I would tell you that I believe in miracles and I believe that the beautiful ones are not yet born. I am not insinuating anything. If I were, you would know. 
I have been pulling your leg. This is my relationship with Safaricom. Read it again with that in mind. 

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The Juicy Relationship Constitution, 2016

TJRC 2016

PREAMBLE

We, the beneficiaries of this relationship, in order to promote love, trust and faithfulness in our relationship, do adopt and ordain this constitution to govern our relationship as long as it lasts.

SOVEREIGNITY OF THE MEMBERS AND THE SUPREMACY OF THIS CONSTITUTION

This is the relationship constitution that enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Gideon Kiprono here and after known as the “boyfriend” and Joy Cherono, here and after known as “the girlfriend”. 

This constitution is the supreme law governing our relationship now henceforth and therefore no member shall be above the provisions provided for in this document.

Mafisi laws or any other international laws will not form part of this constitution. 

ARTICLE I: NAME

The name of this association shall be THE JUICY RELATIONSHIP CONSTITUTION, hereafter referred to as TJRC. This association will use the name or its acronym TJRC in all publicity materials and correspondence.

ARTICLE II: DEFINITION

TJRC is composed of two people only (Kiprono and Cherono) who without coercion decided to be friends for life following their striking intellectual prowess atop interests. TJRC shall be guided by this constitution at all times.
ARTICLE III: COMMUNICATION

Communication is paramount for success of any relationship and this is how it will be done. 

Loading dose of hello in the morning and maintenance dose of nice lunch and goodnight. 

Little or no communication with the ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

No whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and other social media when we are together. It is our time.

Respond to emails promptly, Instagram tags or facebook pokes, twitter mentions.

Whatsapp messages should be replied immediately as soon as blue ticks effect are seen or better 
ARTICLE IV: PUBLIC RELATIONS

Kissing

Public display of affections is prohibited and so to kissing by all means.

Unintended kissing should only be when resuscitating the partner in absence of ambubag. Mouth-to-mouth will be the best.

Although little risk is documented to accrue from passionate kissing, we will be cognizant of the fact that cold, glandular fever and even herpes infection can be spread through kissing.  
Hugging

The privilege of hugging is accorded to the boyfriend or girlfriend under the following: –

They are undergoing post exams stress disorder or trauma of similar magnitude and needs a shoulder to lean on. 

If we should publicly hug, then the short acting version is applied and differentiated from ultra-short version given for general friends. 

Extended release version only happens when one wins a Nobel Prize or any other achievement of comparable weight.

No hugging of rivals and relationship enemies to any of the partners and more so in the presence of the counterpart. 

ARTICLE V: GIFTS OR PRESENTS AND SURPRISES

Gifts build relationship as opposed to surprises which causes anxiety and subsequent tachycardia.

Negative surprises like failing in exams, ex calling to ask for consideration and the like is highly discouraged.

Positive surprises that have probability of ≥ 20% can be practiced for mutually exclusive events.  

Gifts and surprises should never be confused as the latter is an event or piece of news etc. that is unexpected. 

ARTICLE VI: VISITATIONS

Impromptu visitations are uncalled for to avoid embarrassment in this era of technology. Twitter mention or WhatsApp heads-up, call or text message can suffice. 

Agenda of the visit should be communicated earlier and each to have a copy. Review of the previous minutes and countersigning should happen unless the meeting occurs in an unplanned for place and no soft copy of the same exists. 

Unavailable notice is placed at the door to bar friends and custodian if it applies from interrupting the meeting.
ARTICLE VII: BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARY AND SPECIAL DAYS

Birthdays are treated as important days of reviewing resolutions and making new for a better life. Gifts can be expended liberally then to cheer the partner. 

Valentine is a waste of day and resources. In any case, Valentine is dead. 

Any other special days can come with or without gifts. 

ARTICLE VIII: INTERCOURSE

The best and accepted regular intercourse we should have is the intellectual variant. 

In the unlikely event that one ovary has been removed and the other is at stake and coitus should be practiced, it should be without delay and warning. The acceptable family planning method is coitus interruptus apart from what family doctor will prescribe on medical grounds.

Coitus once practiced triggers Responsibility for Life button. 
ARTICLE IX: DISSOLUTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP

The relationship shall only be called to an end under the following circumstances: –

Any partner feels burdened of which should submit substantial evidence to support the same.

Any member is found unfaithful: random hugging of known team Mafisi Sacco members unless they are their brothers or sisters (not in Christ)

A 6 months’ notice in writing stating the reasons for terminating the relationship should be supplied and counterchecked by a trustworthy person-clergy.
ARTICLE X: AFFILIATION

Shall not be affiliated to any party, organization, club, institution or group; for that matter Mafisi Team Sacco. The association will matchless to the universe as the partners are. 
CONCLUSION 

The Juicy Relationship Constitution will aid in ways unkown unforeseen disagreements, mood swings and somehow premenstrual syndrome. It will prevent the association from rampant ravenous mafisi members. It is necessary for it protects our finances from unnecessary gifts and surprises. Chief of all, it fosters love, harmony and faithfulness. 

Call me Crazy

By Gideon Mutai

You will call me crazy
Or even think I am lazy
But don’t forget my name is daisy
Thank God my vision is not hazy
To note your handsomeness
Indeed you are awesome
But just call me crazy daisy.

Your smile sends waves of ecstasy
Yes all the way down my spine
Talk of a surge of happy hormones
So in your pursuit I’ll not resign
And my request don’t decline
But your ear to me incline
In you my worries I’ll confine
And we will our hopes and goals combine
Even as our targets align
When the marriage certificate we’ll sign

How good is to love and to be loved?
And more so when that love is true
And every morning it is new
The common colour being blue
I think without much ado,
I’ll clear my throat and utter “Yes, I do”
I know this sounds weird
But just call me crazy daisy

The impossible with Him it is
He has done great to the family of Liz
We are not an exception
Remember this is not a misconception
Or perhaps a bad perception
Begin thinking of where we’ll have reception
As you stop calling me crazy daisy
And call me sweetheart and darling and dear and…

Last Respect

By Gideon Mutai

Young vibrant and determined was he
Classmates and relatives will agree
Seemingly he wasn’t challenged
Academically
Socially and
Even spiritually
In any case he was gifted
Verbally
Artistically
Just say holistically

He would work with dexterity
That earned him popularity
A chief supporter of solidarity
His comedies were greeted with great hilarity
Not long before manifest unbecoming peculiarity

He left too soon, it’s always too soon
For death, no moment is opportune
Leaving many with unanswered questions
To his problems sought he not suggestions
Insinuations might help explain the loss
His coded acrostic poem I came across

He loved not his life to death
With the last breath,
He uttered
“Save my soul from Sheol oh Lord”
This cannot be underscored
But the big question remains
Did he have any constrains?
Or perhaps unsaid disdains?
He should have therefore aired his complains

He changed many lives unknown
But his life now we bemoan
Did he take it away?
He should have left his problems at bay
Was he struggling with addiction?
That led to the sedimentation?
I thought all was conquered by His crucifixion

I now understand his affliction
There is always a raging war
But for him not anymore
By the way this is not fiction
He needed to die to self
For Christ to live in Him

If he fought a good fight I cannot tell
In our hears he will always dwell
If he was pure in heart,
And from evil he did depart
I will see him again some bright morning
In the place where there is no mourning

Many speculations about his departure
Some who didn’t know him still come
To pay the last respect
No one knows who paid the first
The situation yes, is reversed
That is how his unexpected departure was.

I Hate You

By Gideon Mutai

I hate you with all my being
I don’t care if you are not agreeing
You always want to kiss my lips
I feel like giving you some hard whips
You want to lean on my shoulder
A step you have made bolder
And show your prowess in caressing
Mind you this to me is depressing

Someone said you have seven lives
I don’t know how to that she arrives
If you were you to be a program,
then you would be a bug
If you were you to be a human,
then you would be a thug
I better come out clean on this now
You are too small to be a cow

I don’t love your abrupt unwelcome hugs
Let alone the proud shoulder shrugs
More so when I have important visitors
And the love for not so clean mugs and jugs
I am bored to the bone with you
We are not going anywhere with you
In fact given a chance I’ll crash you
Though you may not even bleed

It is distressing to note again
That you love every part of my body
And that my constant chasing doesn’t scare you
You keep coming back the more
Thinking that I would change my mind
I am a different species all together
So please spare me a little
And give me my space

It is over between me and you
Oops it wasn’t there even to begin with
Goodbye little Musca domestica

A Strange Land

By Gideon Mutai

It all started when my dad got charged
The messenger obediently went all the way
Passing through the aisle of oviduct
To the strange land where I started forming

Nine months I had to stay
In the land where no sun nor moon is visible
There is no crime or obsession
As I had to learn later
It’s where I came from

Free lifts I used to get
I went to wherever you went
To the functions you attended, I did also
In church while you sang, I danced to the songs
A strange land indeed
It is where I came from

Happiness and Joy were surplus
No work was known but much play
Eating and enjoying oneself was top in the list
No shock could reach to me
As the limousine absorbed them
It’s where I came from

A strange land I’ll not go back to
Not that I don’t want
But because it’s impossible
A land of no return I may call
It is where I came from

I thank you my mama
For you did not allow foreign objects
To prick and pierce my territory
You proved a good mother
You tenderly cared for me
And patiently waited for me
To come out of the strange land

Even after I was out,
You did continue loving me
Until I am now writing this poem
I wonder where I would be today
Had you not voted NO to aborting me
While I was in the strange land
Young, formless and oblivious of everything

A strange land, a strange land
I would not describe it better
I would not call it a better name
Because it remains strange to me
A strange land indeed
It’s where God was forming me!

Patience

By Gideon Mutai

Patience was walking down the road
When he run into Time
The daughter of Perseverance
As eyes have no curtains,
Feelings no boundaries,
And thoughts no limits,
Patience admired Time
He fell in love with her
And thought of marrying her
The two merged together
After Time taking Patience’s proposal
As expected of every family
They begot children
Improvement was their first born
Second were twins, Joy and Happiness
Their last born was Victory a.k.a Triumph
They established an ever happy home!