Anti-Exam Fever Vaccine

By Gideon Mutai

All preparations were in place that day
Except for parasitic fear which wasn’t at bay
She sluggishly trudged to the exam room
As they prayed and wished her the best of luck
Hesitantly, she waved back and went in

 

Papers were issued out to everyone
You can bet the colour had not changed from the usual
“You have two hours to attempt all the questions.”
Roared the no-nonsense exam invigilator
The parasite forgot the symbiotic relationship with her
He breached the contract and started devouring her

 

As the invigilator paced up and down the room.
FEAR relished on that little activity
Small beads of sweat started forming on her brow
Her eyes were swelling progressively
She suddenly busted into tears as she turned over the first page
The bladder seemingly enjoyed the ordeal
How it suddenly got filled up I cannot tell
It also gave way following his accomplice

 

Who would have known she was expectant
If not for the end of year exams?
We saw a little bouncing baby lying on the floor
And dangling from her pelvic region a cord
Exams had to be interrupted
‘Twas not in vain anyway
As my colleagues found it opportune to consult
While few assisted in carrying her way

 

The reports later came
That the doctor diagnosed her with exam fever
That precipitated all the events
And she was given anti-exam fever vaccine IV BD X 4/12
The baby was just a result of injurious exam fever
Which has since time immemorial been pandemic
I was left wondering if he was a real doctor or just another quack

 

Either way, I also want anti-exam fever too but dread the pain
Yes, the pain of daily injections for four months every year
Can’t it be made to be easily swallow able?
Or coated with chocolate?

 

What did you say are the side effects of the vaccine?
Bosom friendship with books in and out season
But how about my allergy for books?
It runs in our family
The mother of my grandfather to the uncle of my niece had the same problem.
He used not to pass well in school
It has manifested in me again
But just give me the vaccine, I will deal with the consequences later.

 
*IV–Intravenously
*BD–Twice a day

A Date with Prof Kaimenyi

by Gideon Mutai

What a date with professor Kaimenyi?
I the only lame son of chesser Anyonyi
I knew it would come somewhere in March
I have been dreaming of making an A arch
Sleepless nights I have spent in Whatsapp
Doing nothing but asking what was up

I am anxious, yes, but I must come clean
My post exam girlfriend knows, Aileen
She is expecting me to be at the top
But how I wish she had standby hop
“cause surely this date may not go well
And high school life I’ll not bid farewell

Prof, I don’t know what you have for me in store
The stomach butterflies I cannot ignore
Am hoping for the best but prepared for the worst
Now is when I wish time would be reversed
So that I may read all the set books again
And to all the prayers remember to say amen

I wouldn’t revise letters again from sister school
I now know I had made myself a fool
I would obey all the teachers and preachers
Because all are created of God creatures
I would do all my assignments in time
For the clock, I wouldn’t wait for it to chime

I am not certain what I will score
But life has taught me to be a hardcore
Life after form four without airtime to say “hi”
At the other end she has hopes high
Daily doing odd jobs to buy kipande soap
And complaining was tested beyond my scope