I am writing this message from the anterior wall of my cardia thoracis. Wind told me you kept searching for me but my phone was not patent and your efforts tissued.
I know we were to have the first kangaroo care to prevent hypothermia during this cold season. I acknowledge the fact that I am a premature, the more reason I need the care. Ignore my weight for now. The benefits outweigh the risks involved. It will reduce the length of my infancy stage. Nonetheless, we ought to be cognizant of the fact that I am neither diabetic nor have an history of ED. Moses has been standing tall every morning and proclaiming how strong he is. His chief complaints have been denial of chance to feed. That he has been tied close to the tree and that he never bursts in the sun. He hears about a counterpart whom he has never met.
A randomized controlled study (Tumia Logic et.al, 1804) shows a 98% chance of him (Moses) elongating and reaching out for the compatriot in case we proceed with Kangaroo care. Do we have anything to lose if that happens? We don’t have anything to begin with. We are just but interns.
The implications however, are, associated palpitations. The good thing is that the apex beat will not be displaced. Fifth intercostal space, mid clavicular line has been its locale.
I know people will come to you, the likes of Abellita but be warned. Don’t endorse their fabricated histories. They will tell you how they have been in fair general condition with good reports from within and without. But just like SIRS, there is no documentation. They will deny history of alcohol intake but who am I to know what else they take. They will deny any history of allergy to pretty ladies (you are not an exception). What they won’t tell you is history of their bullet induced reactions which takes a minimum of nine months to resolve. For some, it is so severe to warrant admission for hyperemesis gravidarum. Some will just have early mornings nausea and or vomiting. Do really want to bite that bullet?
Some will question what I smoke. If it were shisha or cannabis sativa I would tell you my cardiac mellitus. Still, some will think I have some sort of encephalopathy. What is that even to begin with? They will suggest to you that I have deranged organ function to rule out dysfunctional relationship with differential diagnosis of Restless Moses Syndrome (RMS). My question to you is, “Did you even read any of those?”. Probably it was in that chapter you didn’t think it will come in exams because the epidemiology reports a prevalence thereof is 1 in a million. You better believe because I am that one in a million.
I hope this letter sets the record straight. I just want to let you know that I will be done with internship soon. You know what that means? Kangaroo care will be a success since we will have all the time to be warm. See you come close of this month.
Eight years and counting. That is the length of time we have been friends. It is such a long time to know a lady, right? She was my classmate but the time we became close is when we were in third year. Close in the sense of class geolocation whatever that means. We used to have same siting class positions except during exams time. What used to happen in exams is that there was higher affinity for back seats.
She is one hardworking damsel. Organized and principled. She has a dictum, “Go big or go home”. She is that one lady that values quality. I would go to her sometimes when purchasing stuff because she does her research well.There is this day in school when we were having paediatrics CAT. The lecturer started giving out question papers. I don’t know how both question paper and marking scheme landed on my desk. I wanted to transfer the answers but my hands failed me. I was unusually sweating and trembling. Quickly, I dashed the paper to my neighbour. She quickly turned down the offer. That speaks about her.
It happened that we went to the same place for internship. She has been known as an iron lady. She is tall and flamboyant. She has her assets well packed. Her mama gave her. The Himalayas mountains at the back are well demarcated. Don’t mention the chest elevations separated by a smooth cleft. I don’t know how deep it is. Do you wanna hear about the curves? She has them. Figure of eight I would say. Boys have been having hard time approaching her. Men too struggle. Not that she is not approachable but you got to have your facts right before initiating a fruitful conversation. She detests nonsense. Her name is Nyongesa.She loves cooking and when she does, her food will leave you yearning for more. Of all the things that turns her face on is bubble wraps. I am looking for some to surprise her on her birthday which comes one day after mine. So if you know where I can get some in plenty, let me know. I will update you when the wind brings news of a ruracio. Until then, stay focused.
Some days are long and some short. Some are uneventful and some irksome. Today was such as latter. I woke up early to do pre-rounds hopeful that the consultant would come. Thursdays are usually a clinic day for Paediatrics.
It was one of the days when we had a very sick child. We usually pay close attention to such and have an astute plan in place. Close monitoring takes the day. The child’s parents heard through the wind that the consultant would be coming at 8 am. Eight am came and passed. At one, he had not come yet.
Some days you are appreciated and some not. Today was such as the latter. The parents decided to be restless. It is understandable when you become sick with your child to show solidarity forever or what do you think? They stood with the child which is commendable.
In place was the epitome of management. Hourly vital signs. Strongest of antibiotics had been administered. A student, a nurse and a medical officer in consultation were all assigned to that one patient.
“…no doctor has seen my child…” ranted the father. “We would rather go to another facility.” They insisted. Who am I to say no when the best comes to the worst? That made my afternoon one of writing a discharge summary and a referral note. Deep in my heart I knew we had done our best. The child had not even completed 12 hours since admission.
I have learnt that doctors should be magicians. They should be touching patients the way Jesus did and fever goes away. They should like Paul lay hands on the sick and diarrhoea stops. Maybe it should be introduced in all medical disciplines how to work miracles.
In a bid to end my day well, I remembered that I am a long serving member of Chama cha Chapati (CCC). Of late I have been snacking at meal times. I decided to make chapati today. If your memory serves you well, the last time I made chapati remains an historical day. I had all the ingredients. And the will too.
Let’s skip the preliminary stages of preparation because we all know that. The rolling time came and the shapes I was making is a topic for another day. In the process, I hit the salt shaker then I remembered I had not added salt to dough. I also recalled that sugar was missing. Thence was the path of least resistance. The prognosis of chapos wasn’t good but as doctors we always cling to the adage, the end justifies the means.
Chapos were baptized through fire and they came out strong, but fragile. They would break into several pieces like the unleavened bread. Minji Minji in appearance and inviting. Yellow in colour, thanks to turmeric but tasteless. I invited my colleague Dr. Nyongesa to have fellowship with me and partake of the unleavened bread. I will be doing such in remembrance of ungrateful patients till such a time as I will be laid to rest in grave.
Three days after the Christmas of 1995. A big bouncing baby boy is born at term normally. The knowledge of having a brother excites me. But no sooner had I seen him than I retreated. He has a clipped cord and I don’t like it. He is not looking like me in all aspects. Or let’s say I don’t remember my cord.
“Mum, why is he not looking like me. What is this here?” I inquired pointing at the cord. “It will wear off and be like yours with time.” She responded. That quelled my incessant queries for a while.
Being a reader of the word and having lead in the Sunday School and also served as a youth leader, dad knew some Bible characters. He picks one for my bro, Laban.
Laban is growing so fast and before long, I feel like I am going to be outdone. Mum goes to the clinic on a monthly basis. This is to enable my bro receive vaccines and assess his growth. For the record, his weight was within the normal limits when he was born (between 2.5 and 4.0 kilograms.)
This is the third month and nurses at Kericho Maternal and Child Health (MCH) have every reason to worry. Not that my bro is malnourished. Far from that, he is gaining so much weight and they are wondering how comes in only three months, the graph is rising exponentially outside the normal range. Soon they would not have a place to plot the values if this goes on. And indeed they have to write outside the margins.
Quickly, nurses around summons mum in a room not to congratulate her but to scold, threaten and even rebuke.
“Woman, it is not that we don’t know how to feed our children with Cerelac.” One of the nurses begins. Mum thinks anyone in white coat is a doctor. “Why do you feed your child so much? Eh?” the impromptu interview goes on.
Mum is lost for words. She has hard time pronouncing Cerelac let alone afford it. She is wondering how these ‘doctors’ are taking her. “What do you feed your child with?” Another one prods.
With a stutter, she replies, “I feed him with Uji ya mahindi (Maize porridge) and sometimes mix with millet. There is nothing else I give to him except for breastfeeding.”
They are not satisfied but leaves her to go but with stern warning to reduce the frequency of feeding and stop Cerelac.
Looking at his graph, only two dots are within the normal range; when he was born and after the first month. He never comes back to the normal range. At twelve months, he is as heavy as a normal child in the age bracket of 2–3 years according to the WHO standards in the clinic card.
He is abnormal you can say and I agree with you. He has never been normal.
At the age of four years, he joins nursery school in a nearby primary school. He is well built. Other kids occasionally make fun of him but one thing I take pride in is that he beats them all. His size is intimidating. He simply can defend himself. If he decides to sit on you then it will take the hand of a number of accredited observers to take him off.
I wish I was that big too. I would beat all of my friends who laughed at me for bedwetting.
It will be an injustice not to mention at this point that bro eats commensurate to his body. He is an ardent observer of unorthodox adage Mwili haijengwi na mawe. He agrees with River road wahenga who said Jenga mwili haribu jina.
Paraphernalia fills his shorts’ pockets. While others carry handkerchiefs and rubber or pencil and what have you in their pockets, he is carrying nuts, heavy bolts and the like. Mum is pricked severally while washing his school uniform. As an occupational risk protection, she has learnt to check his pockets. She does complete evacuation characterised by soft fluffy pockets. No amount of warning can deter bro from carrying more of such. At some point, his pockets are torn by pins and assorted items. You wonder what he wants to do with all these. I also wonder.
Sick patients visit a doctor but Laban pays a visit to any sick appliance, be it radio, TV, watch, phone etc. I don’t know how he comforts them if he ever does but what I am certain of is that there is a 50% mortality rate. Those who survive the ordeal bears life scars out of unprecedented suturing. He takes time to learn what each device contains and how it works. Maybe he is on a mission to unearth the radio presenters he has been hearing only to be disappointed.
This has been going on for long. He has a collection of broken pieces of anything electrical. In class eight, he surprised us by resuscitating a Motorola C113. After about 10 minutes, it was working again. I guess that is the first miracle he performed.
He sits for class eight exams and doesn’t perform well. He has to repeat after which he passed enough to join a provincial school. He performs averagely like all the average students. Many are the times I encourage him to work hard but seemingly he is doing hard work.
For a long time, we didn’t have electricity at home and it took concerted efforts to push my parents to the wall that they did all they could for us to be like our neighbours. I know if they were in a position to they would have gotten it long ago.
This is the time when bro is in form two. He is taking physics as a subject but has done nothing close to electricity. At this point in time, I am in second year at the World Class University, Egerton. KPLC team has connected for us electricity and wiring is for us to do. This means digging deeper into our pockets and get an electrician.
Surprise! Laban offers to do the wiring. He is confident and claims he knows what he is doing. For safety, we switch off power from the mains. With my knowledge in medicine combined with 4 years of physics in high school, I watch as bro teach me how connections are made. He is younger than me but I want to have little faith in him. If he could resurrect a phone before, maybe he is out to do another miracle. He makes his connections and before long he is done and for sure it is working.
That begs the question. “Do you do electricity in school?” I asked. “No, I don’t do electricity. I only do Physics.” He responds with a smile. I went on, “But they don’t teach enough electricity in high school physics let alone in form two.” The next response makes me remove my hat, “This is general knowledge.” He said.
He struggles in school. At some point he is expelled not for setting up fire or leading a strike but because of his faith. He goes to form 3 in another school where he finishes his schooling. He got average marks to enable him join a college. This saw him join Rift Valley Institute of Science and Technology, Nakuru.
Just one year in school and he wakes up this morning to make an audio amplifier from scratch. I asked him several questions to which he denies being taught in school how to make one. This made me know this about him also which I didn’t know. He knows how to ride a car (He confesses having done it before and remember he has not gone to any driving school). He says it is so easy but for me, I’ll be a student of Leopard Driving School come December.
What am I saying? Everyone has a talent. You can say my talent is writing since I wrote this story. You can almost always tell what a child interest(s) is/are. Most of the time talents are killed because we don’t approve what children are doing. Probably if nurtured and supported they would come up with better ways of solving today’s problems.
Laban was abnormally big and loved carrying weird fixings but today I understand that that is where his passion has been. FYI, he has reduced weighed significantly and his BMI is within normal but looks bigger than me. While I look cachectic (blame it on medicine), he looks well fed.
What I have learnt from him is that you can make two mechanical motors of 12V that will produce DC which you can convert to AC and the step up even up to 2KV. That is his next project. Don’t ask me questions on this because I also didn’t understand. I am waiting for the final thing.
The bottom line is, parents (and aspiring ones), encourage your children and help them pursue their passions. That is how best they can use their potentials. Not all can be doctors. Not all can be lawyers, architectures…name them.
Very few people talk about their relationships. I am in that very group but it is not until today that I was triggered to talk about it. I might never know the inspiration someone might draw from my story or learn from my flaws. For the record, I am not that kind of person who suddenly turns philosophical after breakup; I just chew the bitter break-up pill.
I had visited almost every office with my form four results slip showing straight As in the fundamental subjects. Little did I know that is not what the employers look for. They look for experience and professionalism. Sad to say I had none of the two. In any case, it was the reason I was turned down in more than 30 times places I visited. To cut the short story long (actually it is the other way round), I finally made a call to a certain school in Kapsabet. That is the place I met with Sandra (pseudonym) in the year 2010.
Ours has been a long journey of ups and downs, rains and drought, fights and reconciliation, love and hatred. The relationship has been peppered with flats and bumps but more of bumps. Each has been thinking secretly that we have been taking each other for a ride. But that is when a wrote the first poem to her, a poem of dumping her, the better option. I fell for what seemingly was the best option. Sandra and I somehow managed to chat and meet occasionally. I couldn’t do away with her completely.
Don’t judge me (actually you can the way you want) when I say I had another girlfriend before that. I know it was just after form four but that is when I had all the time in the world and was allowed to have one. The first relationship was short-lived. I didn’t get the approval of many to go on with her plus the fact that she was from the village and didn’t want to upgrade herself to the latest fashion. I hope you get what I mean. I would be embarrassed in bed when she would lose network and only regain but transiently when I would take her out to major cities. She would keep me waiting for long hours when I had a date with her. What I only loved about her is that she wasn’t pocket-draining economically. Maybe it was her gimmick for me to continue keeping her. Truth be told, I wasn’t proud of her.
Sandra to the opposite was a gold digger (sorry for the term). She would entice me to keep subscribing to her love. Weird, right? I must confess that she was so expensive to maintain. I would labour to maintain my connection with her. Many have been in abusive relationships. I am not an exception. When I couldn’t sustain the relationship that was worsened by her stealing (taking without permission but later returned), I decided to ditch her. Don’t ask me if I moved on or cried myself out.
For straight seven years, I have been in and out of the relationship with her. It is true that at times she gives me goodies and who doesn’t enjoy? That has been attracting me to her. I love how she dresses in green and flaunts her assets. She is a digital 21st century damsel and even though I love technology, she is far ahead of me. I normally wait for anniversaries to enjoy the goodies (I mean goodies). I am a man remember. She pulls surprises on me. When I think I have pulled one on her, I get disappointed but still appreciates my little input.
My parents know her and many of my friends have approved her. (You should be knowing her). At one point in time, I went away from home and decided to hook up with another one without telling my parents. It almost caused dissension. They looked for me everywhere. They called her but she was “mteja”. They were about to visit a local radio station to announce for a lost boy/man (Use them interchangeably). My sister only knew where I was but I had cautioned her not to mention.
This is 2017 and still counting. She recently lightened my heart. Don’t ask me how but if you think in terms of goodies, you won’t be wrong. Anyway you are allowed to have your own opinions. She has enabled me to visit places unknown. Has enabled me to get connected with my friends and is in the process of giving me economic freedom (only if the project she is sponsoring will last). She knows what I love most. Who in their right mind will abandon such a girlfriend? But if she drives me crazy, I may abandon before I lose my mind. Sandara my neighbour who changed her name recently to Tele has been dressing seductively and visits me regularly to borrow “Short Practice of Surgery 26th Ed by Baile and Love” yet she knows that I don’t have it. She opens up to me and wants to divert my attention, commitment and love for Sandra.
I pray that my relationship last now that I decided to speak up about it. She is slightly older than me but they say age is just but a number. If you asked me my sincere opinion, I would tell you that I believe in miracles and I believe that the beautiful ones are not yet born. I am not insinuating anything. If I were, you would know.
I have been pulling your leg. This is my relationship with Safaricom. Read it again with that in mind.
We, the beneficiaries of this relationship, in order to promote love, trust and faithfulness in our relationship, do adopt and ordain this constitution to govern our relationship as long as it lasts.
SOVEREIGNITY OF THE MEMBERS AND THE SUPREMACY OF THIS CONSTITUTION
This is the relationship constitution that enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Gideon Kiprono here and after known as the “boyfriend” and Joy Cherono, here and after known as “the girlfriend”.
This constitution is the supreme law governing our relationship now henceforth and therefore no member shall be above the provisions provided for in this document.
Mafisi laws or any other international laws will not form part of this constitution.
ARTICLE I: NAME
The name of this association shall be THE JUICY RELATIONSHIP CONSTITUTION, hereafter referred to as TJRC. This association will use the name or its acronym TJRC in all publicity materials and correspondence.
ARTICLE II: DEFINITION
TJRC is composed of two people only (Kiprono and Cherono) who without coercion decided to be friends for life following their striking intellectual prowess atop interests. TJRC shall be guided by this constitution at all times. ARTICLE III: COMMUNICATION
Communication is paramount for success of any relationship and this is how it will be done.
Loading dose of hello in the morning and maintenance dose of nice lunch and goodnight.
Little or no communication with the ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.
No whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and other social media when we are together. It is our time.
Respond to emails promptly, Instagram tags or facebook pokes, twitter mentions.
Whatsapp messages should be replied immediately as soon as blue ticks effect are seen or better ARTICLE IV: PUBLIC RELATIONS
Public display of affections is prohibited and so to kissing by all means.
Unintended kissing should only be when resuscitating the partner in absence of ambubag. Mouth-to-mouth will be the best.
Although little risk is documented to accrue from passionate kissing, we will be cognizant of the fact that cold, glandular fever and even herpes infection can be spread through kissing. Hugging
The privilege of hugging is accorded to the boyfriend or girlfriend under the following: –
They are undergoing post exams stress disorder or trauma of similar magnitude and needs a shoulder to lean on.
If we should publicly hug, then the short acting version is applied and differentiated from ultra-short version given for general friends.
Extended release version only happens when one wins a Nobel Prize or any other achievement of comparable weight.
No hugging of rivals and relationship enemies to any of the partners and more so in the presence of the counterpart.
ARTICLE V: GIFTS OR PRESENTS AND SURPRISES
Gifts build relationship as opposed to surprises which causes anxiety and subsequent tachycardia.
Negative surprises like failing in exams, ex calling to ask for consideration and the like is highly discouraged.
Positive surprises that have probability of ≥ 20% can be practiced for mutually exclusive events.
Gifts and surprises should never be confused as the latter is an event or piece of news etc. that is unexpected.
ARTICLE VI: VISITATIONS
Impromptu visitations are uncalled for to avoid embarrassment in this era of technology. Twitter mention or WhatsApp heads-up, call or text message can suffice.
Agenda of the visit should be communicated earlier and each to have a copy. Review of the previous minutes and countersigning should happen unless the meeting occurs in an unplanned for place and no soft copy of the same exists.
Unavailable notice is placed at the door to bar friends and custodian if it applies from interrupting the meeting. ARTICLE VII: BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARY AND SPECIAL DAYS
Birthdays are treated as important days of reviewing resolutions and making new for a better life. Gifts can be expended liberally then to cheer the partner.
Valentine is a waste of day and resources. In any case, Valentine is dead.
Any other special days can come with or without gifts.
ARTICLE VIII: INTERCOURSE
The best and accepted regular intercourse we should have is the intellectual variant.
In the unlikely event that one ovary has been removed and the other is at stake and coitus should be practiced, it should be without delay and warning. The acceptable family planning method is coitus interruptus apart from what family doctor will prescribe on medical grounds.
Coitus once practiced triggers Responsibility for Life button. ARTICLE IX: DISSOLUTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP
The relationship shall only be called to an end under the following circumstances: –
Any partner feels burdened of which should submit substantial evidence to support the same.
Any member is found unfaithful: random hugging of known team Mafisi Sacco members unless they are their brothers or sisters (not in Christ)
A 6 months’ notice in writing stating the reasons for terminating the relationship should be supplied and counterchecked by a trustworthy person-clergy. ARTICLE X: AFFILIATION
Shall not be affiliated to any party, organization, club, institution or group; for that matter Mafisi Team Sacco. The association will matchless to the universe as the partners are. CONCLUSION
The Juicy Relationship Constitution will aid in ways unkown unforeseen disagreements, mood swings and somehow premenstrual syndrome. It will prevent the association from rampant ravenous mafisi members. It is necessary for it protects our finances from unnecessary gifts and surprises. Chief of all, it fosters love, harmony and faithfulness.